I have a love/hate relationship with fall. I love the colors, the crisp mornings (as long as it warms up during the day!), the smell of burning leaves. I hate to say good-bye to summer, the knowledge that the dreary winter months are near, and the vast nothingness that comes after harvest. I also dislike the emotional struggle that comes with fall--for some reason, I enter into the winter doldrums during the months of October and November. I always struggle emtionally and spiritually this time of year. And, I hate it. I don't like feeling down; I don't like feeling lonely. I want to enjoy each day as it comes, knowing that it has been created and given to me as an opportunity to glorify God.
I had something happen last week that reminded me, no, proved to me, that God hears my cries and that He is a loving and merciful God.
I had just put $400 I really didn't have into my car--two new tires, a drive belt, an oil change and tire rotation. It had to be done, so I didn't have a choice. Two weeks later, my alternator quit. I knew that I couldn't afford it, and wondered what God was doing. I prayed, and had peace that no matter what happened, He would see me through. I was even peaceful in the thought that I would go without a car if needed. I sent out a text to a few friends, asking them to pray for provision for the needed repairs (which I learned were going to be $200 more than I expected). A few hours later, a friend called and said they were paid for. She even offered a vehicle to drive in the meantime. I was floored. God had heard my cries...after a long season stretching months of thinking my prayers for my situations were hitting the ceiling, God had heard my cries. I rejoice, knowing that the Body cares for its members, rejoiced in God's provision.
Which leads me to this question: Why is it so easy for me to believe that God will work in the lives and situations of those around, yet so difficult to believe that He will work in my own life? Is it past experience? Is it unbelief that He cares that much about me? I can believe the Word is true for others, but not for myself. It is all I can do to repeat the words of the father in Mark 9:24 "Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!"
Father, I thank You today that You are a God who loves each of Your children, including me, with a deep, eternal love. I thank You that You hear my prayers, even when I don't see the answers. You are truly the only One who can help my unbelief. God, I pray that You would continue to show me Your truths, even when it is all I can do to believe.
