Okay, I admit it: I'm a fan of Bones. I've seemed to connect most with Dr. Brennan, the title character. Not sure why, but I do. This season has been an interesting one for the doc. Her FBI-agent partner, Booth, has returned from a tour in Iraq. He met a journalist, and they have begun a serious relationship. Now, for those of us who have watched the show from the beginning, this is a BAD thing. Brennan and Booth were supposed to end up together, with their wedding being the series finale, right?? We were just waiting for Brennan to "see the light", so to speak. Unfortunately, as this season has progressed, it has become evident that, at least for a while, that won't happen (spoiler--if you read the books by Kathy Reiches, Brennan was married at one time). Booth's relationship with the journalist (can't remember her name) is quite serious. I've watched Brennan this season, and have noticed that while she accepts their relationship, and is even developing a relationship with the "other woman", she longs for the same thing in her life. Maybe this is why I have seemed to "connect" with her more this year. Those of you that know me well see the struggle I have with loneliness, with the desire for a husband. Some days, and more recently every day, it is all I can do to make it through the day. I've poured my heart out to God, and wonder why He is not acting on my behalf. Is He not hearing me? Does He not care for me?
Last weekend, I was in this place. The weight of loneliness was so heavy, it was oppressive. I could literally feel it on my shoulders. I couldn't form a thought that wasn't centered on "if only..." I finally texted a good friend, one in whom I had confided this struggle before. We had a long conversation--mostly her telling me, gently, to get back on track and focus on God and not my self. One of her comments to me was this: "...I know you believe God CAN; when I'm struggling with these dark nights of the soul, my real question is: Will He, and is He really enough?...Either He is enough for us or he's a liar." See, my problem wasn't that I was feeling lonely. The real problem was that I was letting that loneliness cloud my view. I was so tired of crying out with no reply, so discouraged at God's seeming deafness, that I was giving up. I was reminded of something I heard over the summer. The enemy, Satan, will tell us what is true, but he will never tell us the TRUTH. Somewhere, in the midst of the battle, I had forgotten this. Sure, it's true that I am not married. It may even be true that I am lonely. However, the TRUTH is that God is with me, every step of the way. The TRUTH is that He hears my cries. The TRUTH is that He cares about me, and you, so much that He sent His Son, Jesus, to be born, live, die, and live again that we may live eternally with Him. The TRUTH is that this is a season--whether it lasts one more year or forty more years, it is only a season. His grace IS sufficient, His presence IS enough, HE IS ENOUGH. (Now, hopefully I will remember this...)
Wherever you find yourself today, whatever struggle you have, whatever issue you are dealing with, know this: The One who created the world knew you before time began. He has a plan and a purpose for your life that we can't even imagine. He will sustain, provide, and maybe even surprise.
Father, forgive my unbelief, and help me to know You better. Help me to understand Who You are in ways that will help others when they struggle. Thank You for this friend who oftentimes kicks me in the pants to get back on track. And, thank You for Your unending patience with this wayward daughter. I may not be who I want to be, but, God, continue to shape me into who You want me to be. You are truly enough. Help me rest in that.
