Be careful

"Be careful little eyes what you see. Be careful little ears what you hear. For the Father up above is looking down with love. Be careful little ears what you hear." Many of us who attended Sunday School or children's church or VBS in the eighties are familiar with this sing that warns us to have purity in what we view, hear, and say. In the nineties, it was "Input, Output", but the idea was the same. What we allow ourselves to view, etc. will eventually come out. This lesson became all too real to me this weekend, and the result means hard work in repairing a cherished relationship.
For the last year or so, I have struggled with spiritual dryness and emotional depression. I denied the problem outwardly because Christians aren't supposed to have these issues, right? Especially if they are being developed into leaders in ministry. Unfortunately, ignoring a problem only works for so long.
As stress from life, external and internal, mounted in the last few months, I found a lot of bad habits begin to resurface. I grew increasingly self-centered and self-focused. I questioned my roles in the church body. I doubted that God truly had a plan for my life. (I'm using the past tense here because I want these things gone, not because they are yet.) as the pressure mounted, I began expelling black ink instead of orange juice (obscure sermon reference for you who don't attend the same place of worship as I do).
Last weekend, I broke emotionally added to someone's workload on a Sunday morning. This weekend, I nearly destroyed a good friendship. With one word. By text. Because I was being selfish and expressing my disappointment in life and anger at someone who didn't deserve it. "Be careful, little thumbs, what you type."
Through counsel with my campus pastor and a few long conversations with friends and partners in ministry, God has shown His unending grace upon me and once again opened my eyes to destructive habits I thought were dead long ago. In Deuteronomy, Moses begins by telling the people their story. A friend came across this gem the other day, and it is SO appropriate for my life right now: "you have been traveling around this mountain long enough. Turn northward..." (Deut. 2:3, ESV). I already have a lot of changes on my plate, but this is the most important one I need to make right now. "Turn northward"--leave what you have known, and follow My direction. It won't be easy or comfortable (the Israelites faced a long march and difficult battles), but the end result will be more than woth it.

What is God calling you to change? What is holding you back? Where is He leading you?

Father, I thank you that your grace is more than sufficient, and that you promise to heal all hurts. You promise to repair shattered dreams (even for me!). You promise to lead in righteousness, to reveal your plan, to restore damaged relationships. I lay all of these at your feet, and trust you to move. And I trust you to move me. In Jesus's name, amen.
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