Around the mountain...again.

Disclaimer:  I'm going to be transparent here.  Don't be surprised.

I spent last week helping a friend with a week of camp.  I knew going in that the week would be hot, tiring, and rewarding.  I also knew that some of my habits, good and bad, would be left behind for six days.  The good habits--walking everyday, reading, and Bible study--were easily adapted for camp.  The bad habits (okay, transparency here--smoking) would, hopefully, be broken.  I arranged for a few friends to keep me accountable via text messaging, and though the week was hard, I was okay.  Until I had to stop for gas on the way home.  And had more cash than I anticipated.  And little self-control.  My actions had been amended during the week, but my mindset had not.  My friends had encouraged me, but I failed to check-in on the way home and call for support when I needed it most.  Chalk that up to pride and self-sufficiency.  This is not a new struggle for me.  As a matter of fact, it's one I've wanted to be rid of for several years (yes, years) now.  It's not something I let others see (as a matter of fact, it's probably news to many of you).  So now, not only am I back to square one, I'm disappointed in myself, maybe even a little angry.  I'm reminded of what used to be a confusing passage for me:  Romans 7.  To sum it up, Paul establishes that the law is good because it reveals to us exactly what sin is.  Without the law, we wouldn't know what sin is.  He writes that he agrees with the law, and that he wants to follow the law, but his flesh causes him to sin.  He ends the chapter with this:  "Wretched man that I am!  Who will deliver me from this body of death?  Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!  So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.  There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.  For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death."  (Romans 7:24-8:2, ESV)  I could go on, but I'll let you continue in Romans 8 for yourself.
Am I saying that smoking, in and of itself, is a sin?  No.  But, the stewardship issues (money, health, etc.) and the disobedience to His prompting are.  I mentioned that I'm disappointed, even angry, with myself.  I'm disappointed because I had "an out" and didn't take it.  I could have called any number of friends, yet I didn't.  I could have walked in, paid for the gas and a Coke and walked out.  But I didn't.  I blew what was the best opportunity to kick this thing that I've had in a long time.
As disappointed as I am, I also know that God's love for me surpasses my bad habits.  I know that He sees past that into the heart of the person that I am, the woman He created me to be. 
What do you struggle with?  It may not be physical addictions.  It may be gossip, lying, or any number of things.  Let me encourage you to find an accountability partner/group--and USE IT.  Be vulnerable and authentic.  Be honest.  Most of all, allow God to heal. 
Maybe I should take my own advice...